The Fallacy of Masculine Parenting: 12 Things Men Think Women Need to Know About Raising Boys
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When you become a dad, you often learn many new skills, whether changing a diaper, feeding a baby a bottle, or just learning how to play games. Moms learn new skills too, and it’s important to work together.
When a mother has a daughter, she pretty much knows everything; she is one after all, and the Moms often give Dads advice. But when the mother births a boy, do Dads ever advise moms? Recently, someone asked, “Men of Reddit, what are some things a mom should know while raising a boy?”
Food Habits
One Redditor added, “You will not believe how much he’ll eat as a teenager.”
A second Redditor replied, “Give him meat, or he will get really fat, cus he will eat. You can’t stop that, so provide protein for muscle mass.”
No Parent Shaming
A user wrote, “If you and his father are not together and/or you have negative feelings towards his father, don’t tell him all the time how much he reminds you of his father.”
Another user added, “Also, don’t complain about the other parent in front of him. Not a gender issue, but seriously that can really mess with a kid, especially if both parents are still in the picture.”
Female Friends
A popular comment read, “Don’t tease your sons about any female friends. It usually leads to issues with them being unable to talk to you about things when they actually do like someone.”
A second comment was, “This is one of the most important pieces of advice out there. My mom thinks every female friend I’ve ever had is a crush, when that’s simply not the case. As such, I can’t talk to her about female friends anymore.”
Genital Fascination
One straightforward Redditor commented, “I have a young boy going on 3 years old. No matter the age, they’re fascinated with their peens.”
Another Redditor added, “My wife was so so so concerned because my 3-year-old had no interest in it. I told her just to wait. A couple of weeks later, he was parading around, slapping it, and twanging it like he was a double bass master.”
New Diapers
A user added, “When changing a diaper, have the new one ready, and cover the ween. The cold air hits, and they pee!”
A second user replied, “Or just accept getting peed on sometimes. My son did it a couple of times in his first days. After that, it was only poo and no pee.”
Keep Your Promises
One Redditor responded with, “Keep your promises. Especially the small ones that are easy to let slip. And when you break or slip up on one, directly acknowledge it with them and apologize while trying to make amends.”
Encourage Them
A popular comment was, “Encourage them to be adventurous, to take smart risks, and how to negotiate. Was raised by a very overprotective mother, I learned none of these things till middle age.”
A second comment read, “Exact same here. I wasn’t allowed to go out until I was 16, and even then had to be home before the streetlights were turned on. Thanks for all this anxiety, Mom.”
I Know Best
One user commented, “Mother knows best.” it has some weight as a phrase, but it should never be law in your relationship with your son.”
A second user added, “This very much. If you make a mistake in your dealings with your son, own up to it, tell him to his face what the mistake was, and be willing to make things right. Otherwise, your son won’t own up to his mistakes in dealing with you. He might seem to if you make him, but you won’t change his thoughts and feelings that way. If you try to come across as the infallible super-parent, your son will come to know better during his teenage years. Or it may take him longer, but he’ll act like it anyway.”
Be Involved
A Redditor replied, “It’s good to be involved, but don’t be overbearing. The most stressed out and repressed guys I knew growing up were always the ones whose mothers controlled every aspect of their lives.”
A second Redditor commented, “I’ve suffered from my mum being too interested in my life. Asking a lot of questions, I just couldn’t care about the answer. It’s great showing interest but man. If I feel she’s asking too many questions, I just stay quiet, and she gets she’s being nosy.”
Laundry Woes
One funny comment was, “When your teenage son suddenly wants to do his own laundry, LET HIM!! You do not need to be touching what he is trying to wash away….”
Another Redditor added, “Really should encourage it regardless, it’s an important life skill and he shouldn’t learn to expect that his future girlfriend/wife do it for him.”
Raising a Man
One piece of advice was, “You are raising him to be a man someday. He’s not your little boy forever.”
Allow Space
One user wrote, “If you are arguing and he retreats to his own room or outside, don’t follow along continuing the argument. Young people have a hard time expressing themselves and may need time to process their thoughts. Men are too often given the impression that they are only allowed specific responses; unfortunately, one is anger. As a teenager, I couldn’t get away from my parents when we argued, and I ended up feeling trapped.”
Another user added, “If you do this as his parent, he will not respond to arguments well as a boyfriend or husband. I’m hard to get angry, but once I am, I need space. If I’m not left alone, I’ll end up saying the worse so I can be left alone. If you give me 10 minutes of space 9 out of 10 I can take a breather long enough to realize how ridiculous I’m being or at least be able to express my thoughts calmly and collectedly. It’s the difference between a 20-minute fight or days.”
Give Some Time
A popular piece of advice was, “If you knock on his door and he says ‘Give me a minute,’ give him a minute, don’t just walk in.”
A second Redditor added, “ think the parents who do that are intending to interrupt and want their kid to not do anything “private” for fear of being walked in on. That’s messed up, but I don’t think it’s an accident.”
A Sword Is A Sword
Finally, to finish with some humor, a Redditor wrote, “If it’s shaped like a sword, it’s a sword. I don’t care how old you are. It’s a sword.”
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