15 Interesting Reasons Why Women Regret Having Children
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Let’s dive into a topic that’s rarely discussed but deserves its moment in the spotlight: women who, despite the glamorous mom jeans and adorable baby pics, have a different perspective on motherhood. That’s right. We’re here to uncover the juicy details from those who, at times, might just be thinking, “Did I sign up for this rollercoaster?” Here are some reasons why women regret having children.
Loss of Identity
To begin, a user said, “My children are two and four, and I left my job to be a stay-at-home mom when I was pregnant with my second, and it felt like I lost a sense of my identity when I did that.”
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Another user added, “My mother moved from Korea to the States. She told me she was lonely, had identity issues, and then she had me, and it seemed like her problems were fixed. She invested almost all her time and energy in me. She told me that I gave her meaning to life.”
Feeling Trapped at Home
A reply was, “Because of my husband’s job, I don’t have the flexibility to go back to work until my children are both in school, and that makes me feel like my children are trapping me in my own house.”
Never Wanted Children
A comment was, “I never wanted to have a kid. I don’t like children. I was too far along (or so I thought at the time) when I found out I was pregnant that I couldn’t get an abortion. I ended up giving up the rights to the kid. My parents adopted him, and I haven’t seen him or talked to my parents since just before the kid was a year old.”
Tied to Partner
One person shared, “I love my kids very much, and regret is probably too strong of a word, but I do regret having them in my early to mid-twenties, which has denied me a lot of things I wish I had done in my life. I regret that I have to stay more or less tied to my ex when it would really be healthier for us to make a clean break. We’re getting a divorce, and it is actually quite amicable, but I think we both kinda wish we could say our goodbyes and move on from one another.”
Another person said, “I don’t regret having my son—he’s the light of my life—but I do regret that I’m tied here to this silly town and job and ex-husband until he’s 18. Only 5 more years to go, though!”
No Maternal Instinct
A user replied, “Divorced from my kids’ father, I realized that I have no maternal instinct at all. I had a period when I resented having them, but that went away already. It was a conscious effort to change my perspective. I draw strength from my kids now. But sometimes, I can’t help but wonder what life would be like without them. I feel a wave of shame whenever I think of that, but it is what it is.”
Another user added, “I love my son, but I waver between if I would make the choice to keep him again. I’m just not interested in motherhood. I’m not interested in the way everyone expects him to be the most important and most interesting thing in the world for me. He is not the center of my world. He is not the light of my life. He never was, even as an infant/toddler. He’s just my kid.”
PTSD
One person shared, “ I now have PTSD and anxiety and depression. Their deliveries didn’t go well. My second one almost died, and they broke both her arms getting her out of me, hence the PTSD. Any crying sound or long absence from them triggers me. Full blow on the floor, rocking back and forth in tears OR bouts of rage. I miss people. I do not feel like an actual real human being anymore. I have no friends. I have nobody to call when I’m upset. I stay at home due to PTSD and other medical issues.”
Health Issues
A user said, “I just wish they had better. I’m depressed off and on, and I get stressed easily. I’m also in pain constantly. Having to miss things because I’m sick or hurting sucks. If I could do it all over, I don’t know if I’d have kids because I just stay in a constant loop of depression, pain, and guilt.”
Another user replied, ‘My mom, when I was diagnosed with a chronic illness, said that if she’d known, she would never have had children.”
Numbers Game
A simple answer was, “There are days I regret having three kids. Three is hard.”
Another answer was, “I regret having six children. I had to tell my husband, “God” doesn’t always know what is best, and have my doctor tie my tubes.”
Horrible Behaviors
One person said, “Because they are all fighting and won’t go to bed. Tomorrow after some sleep, I’ll probably feel differently.”
No Freedom
A user replied, “I simply regret having a child because it feels like I’m tied down. I can’t do things on a whim anymore. I can’t spend my money foolishly anymore (not that you ever should). It’s difficult to find a babysitter you trust (and it is expensive). If you love working (like me!), it will put a damper on your life. I work 50+ hours a week, which is mandatory where I work, and I constantly feel guilty. If I’m not working, I’m sleeping. I feel like I’m not the best mom because I never get to see my daughter.”
No Patience
A popular comment was, “I always tell people, if you think you don’t want kids, you don’t want kids. I thought I wanted kids and had one, but I was still on the fence. She’s great and all, but I’m really not a patient person, and parenthood has not taught me any patience at all.”
Remembering The “Old Life”
Someone suggested, “I miss my old life. The spontaneity, the freedom, the disposable income. I just spent a weekend without them both, and it was amazing, so relaxing and peaceful.”
Building Anxiety
One comment was, “I have thought about this a lot. I don’t regret having children – I “regret” the extent to which my anxiety has skyrocketed since becoming a mother. I don’t regret my kids. I regret how they make me feel.”
Too Young
One person said, “The only thing I regret about my daughter is how early in life I had her. I want so badly to move to a big city, go to college, and build a career. I really wanted to do that before I had her. Now I’m struggling to make ends meet, working 60+ hours a week and in community college. The father is a deadbeat and won’t even pay his child support, so I feel like I’m constantly drowning in debt. I want to give her the perfect life, but I can’t afford to for another few years.”
Societal Expectations
Finally, a user said, “I don’t mind being a parent, but I’d way more prefer to be a father than a mother. I love my kids, but I hate the societal expectation that I’m supposed to be the ultimate resource, the main caretaker, and the person who has to handle whatever happens. That I have to answer stupid questions like “What about the kids?” if I have an international conference. That the school/creche always calls me at work, despite my husband working from home, literally 3min away.”
Source: Reddit
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