Special Treatment or Singled Out?

Severe allergies are no joke. What do you do when someone you are preparing a meal for has severe allergies and food restrictions? This home cook chef decided to be safe and order from an allergy-friendly restaurant for some family members, and they were not happy with him.

Recently a Reddit user came to the threads to find out if he was in the wrong about a meal he served to his brother’s stepdaughter.

The Dinner  

The original poster (OP) in the thread began by saying he is not a professional chef but has taken several cooking classes and loves to make elaborate meals for friends and family. He then went on to say his brother recently got married to a woman who has a daughter from a previous relationship and that the daughter has several health conditions, including celiac and a severe dairy allergy that requires her to carry an epi-pen. 

OP recently hosted a dinner at his house for his parent’s wedding anniversary. His guest list included his brother, his sister-in-law, and their daughter with severe food allergies. He went on to say that he cooked a fancy five-course dinner for the guests, but because of his brother’s stepdaughter’s allergies, he found a restaurant in town that specialized in gluten-free, dairy-free (as well as other allergen-free) food and arranged for them to make a full meal for her that he could pick up in advance of the party. 

OP went on to say that previously he’s made a variety of specialty meals in the past for specific diets and that he enjoys the challenge. Still, knowing how serious his brother’s stepdaughter’s restrictions were, he didn’t trust himself to make her meal. He went on to say that he was diagnosed with ADHD and gets easily distracted. His concern was if he used the wrong spoon or didn’t completely wash some flour off a bowl, it could make her incredibly sick. 

OP figured the “take out” solution was fine, and it’s better to be safe than sorry, but when he served the food, he saw the mother looking at her daughter’s plate of take-out food with a “stony face.” He then said she began to eat the food without hesitation, but he watched as her mother whispered to her husband, OP’s brother.

OP’s brother then asked if he could talk to him in the kitchen. OP said when the two got there, his brother said that it was “unbelievable” that he couldn’t be bothered to make something for his stepdaughter and that they’d been bragging about what a great cook he is to her. 

OP’s brother also questioned how he could make meals for people on specific diets but not for her and how she would feel left out because she didn’t get to eat what the rest of the family was eating. He said it was obvious that OP didn’t care about making his brother’s stepdaughter feel like a part of the family and that they were leaving.

Reddit Weighs In

Redditors knew what advice to give the OP, and they didn’t disappoint. 

The first Redditor with a top-liked comment said, “I would flat out say, “I was worried I would kill her. It’s not that I don’t care about her; it’s that I care about her enough to ensure I don’t accidentally harm her.” You might also point out that allergies are very different from preferences like keto. (Also, usually, it’s the people with the allergies pointing that out; What is going on here?) If anyone questions you or gives you a hard time, use words like “hospitalize” or “kill.” It may sound dramatic, but those are legitimate fears, and that blunt wording will help get the point across.”

Another said, “I thought that was a great solution and honestly thought this was going another way. Other kids wanted take out lol”

After that, one commenter added, “Look, this is easy. NTA. I worked in kitchens for 9 years and had to prepare all kinds of allergen-free meals. I also love cooking and go all out when I can, and I’ve had parties where someone has a severe gluten allergy, and I tailor the whole menu around that one person. It ain’t easy. It’s also nerve-wracking when you’re not in a professional kitchen, where they can control things more readily than a home cook can.”

Many Redditors shared their support of OP like this one, “I have two friends with celiac; it’s serious, not just an allergy. Any form of cross-contamination can have serious consequences. Their biggest complaint is that other people do not take it seriously enough or that they get invited somewhere and can’t eat anything. You made sure her food was safe, that she had plenty, and did an amazing job. My friends would love to attend a party or dinner you hosted.”

Last, “So I have a kid with Celiac, and I would be over the moon if someone took so much care. The only thing is it should be communicated first with parents. They should know, though, that if regular flour is used, NO food from the kitchen is safe. Especially with her level of allergy. I don’t have wheat flour in my house at all due to the airborne contamination risk.”

Redditors thought the OP did a great job and came up with an amazing solution.

What about you? Would you have done the same thing? 

This article is inspired by the internet and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of Motherhood Life Balance.