Disclaimer: When you buy from links on our site, we may receive a commission at no additional cost to you. Learn more
A Reddit user shared his story of his ex-wife asking to be his plus one to his son’s wedding and him turning her down.
The original poster (OP) said that six years ago, his daughter caught his wife with another man. She told her brother, who understood what was happening, and they both told OP. OP verified the affair and then divorced his wife. Both of his children wanted to stay with him, so OP was given primary custody, and his ex-wife got one week each month. She moved in with her affair partner.
OP said he had done his best to cut his ex-wife out of his life. Their communication is limited to coordinating custody and shared expenses. OP never talks about their relationship with his kids. After the divorce was finalized, his ex-wife told him that the kids were giving her a hard time when it was her turn to have custody and that OP needed to talk to them.
He sat them down and asked if it was true. His kids said they didn’t want to be there, but OP said it was best for everyone involved if they stayed polite and civil until they turned 18 so they wouldn’t have to go back to court. His ex never said anything after that.
Going No Contact
After he turned 18, OP’s son moved in with him full-time and started college. He has since graduated and is about to get married. OP’s daughter turned 18 last summer and also moved in with OP full-time. OP’s ex called him crying and said that she had not been invited to their son’s wedding.
She added that their son hadn’t talked to her in over a year. Apparently, the situation was the same with their daughter. OP’s ex-wife asked if he would bring her as his plus one to their son’s wedding so she could see her son get married. OP told her that if she hadn’t been invited, it wasn’t his place to bring her.
OP’s ex accused her of turning their children against her and threatened to take him to court. OP reminded her that there was no more custody agreement because both of the children are over 18, and then he hung up. He sat down with his son and daughter and asked if they had gone no contact with their mother.
They both admitted that, yes, they had. OP explained that they did not have to do that for his sake and that he still recognizes that she is their mother. They both said they had talked about it extensively and that their plan had always been to tolerate her until they turned 18 and then go no contact. OP told them that they are adults, that it is ultimately their decision, and that he wouldn’t pressure them to change their minds.
OP’s sister said that his son wasn’t being far and that OP should make him invite his mother to the wedding.
Was OP’s son justified in not inviting his mother to the wedding? Should OP bring her as a plus one and fulfill her wish? How would you have reacted in this situation?
Claire started Femme on FIRE after struggling with the debt cycle and realizing that she had to create better habits to get out of it. She became inspired along this journey and now strives to help others achieve financial freedom as well. When she isn’t working on her blog, you can find her on the couch with a good book, cooking up recipes in the kitchen, or playing outside with her ducks.