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He’s used to his wife staying at home and isn’t loving her new found party side.
A Reddit user shares his story of his wife starting to go out more and more and him wanting her to stay home more often.
The original poster (OP) explained that he works full-time and his wife is a stay-at-home mom. He says she does a fantastic job. He said that she became a stay-at-home mom when she was 18. She recently met a friend who is 25 and single, and loves to party.
OP said his wife has started to pick up the lifestyle. She goes out almost every weekend and drinks, smokes, and has recently begun to try hard drugs. OP explains that he had a complicated relationship with his mom growing up. She was an exotic dancer and was barely around.
OP has abandonment issues because of this and does not speak to his mother anymore. He feels that his wife is abandoning him and he wants to spend more time with her. His wife will drive separately to their dinner dates so that she can go out until 2 a.m. afterward. OP has tried to tell her how he feels but his wife just says, “I never got to go out. I had kids. They’re with their father on the weekends, so I know they’re safe. I’m sorry I like to go out with my friends. I don’t know what to tell you.”
OP said that he wanted to say, “I’m sorry you had children. That was your decision. And now you’re 30 (which is a bad argument, age shouldn’t be a factor here, but I’m winging it), and you’re married, and if you want to go, sometimes that’s fine. But I think you are going out too much.”
OP said he just wants to see his wife more often.
The Masses Weigh In
The Reddit community was quick to rally behind OP and was sympathetic to his situation.
One user said, “The fact she’s going out that often, experimenting with drugs, and taking no time for you both to enjoy your marriage is concerning. There’s definitely nothing wrong with a girls night out or with having friends, but her patterns are getting worrisome. Cocaine is NO joke, and binge drinking can lead to alcoholism quicker than you can snap a finger.
She’s trying to live out experiences she missed. I get that, BUT there’s no going back. She’s married. She’s a mother. You can’t just jump back in time and pretend to be young and untethered. She’s essentially trying to live two lives now, and there’s no way they won’t keep clashing.
It’s time to have a serious talk with her. Even marriage counseling if she’ll agree to it. That said, I would also recommend therapy for yourself as well. If this is triggering childhood trauma, you owe it to yourself to have a safe place to work through that.”
Another user said, “She’s not realizing that her patterns will absolutely bleed over into their lives, just like it already is your marriage. I’m sorry, friend. She’s doing some SERIOUS deflecting. I am not a huge fan of ultimatums, but I would absolutely tell her just how much her behavior is affecting you and your traumas. I would tell her again how concerned you are. I don’t want to say force her hand, but if it’s this bad, you don’t have to feel bad to let her know it’s affecting your marriage.”
Another user pointed out, “NTA. That would drive me crazy. Many may say that YTA because she’s her own woman and can do as she pleases but I think couples have a responsibility to make each other feel cared for, and prioritized (sometimes) when it comes to friends. It’s not controlling to want your wife to not act like a 21 year old party animal for the sake of her relationship.”
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Is OP right to be concerned about his wife and want her to spend more time with him? Is it right for her to be living this lifestyle as a wife and mother? How would you have reacted in this situation?
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Claire started Femme on FIRE after struggling with the debt cycle and realizing that she had to create better habits to get out of it. She became inspired along this journey and now strives to help others achieve financial freedom as well. When she isn’t working on her blog, you can find her on the couch with a good book, cooking up recipes in the kitchen, or playing outside with her ducks.