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A college girl goes home to study during the day, but when her stepdad works from home, he constantly asks her to clean up after him. Fair? Or Gosh, no?
Recently a Redditor came to the threads to find out if she was being fair to her husband, who expects his step-daughter to clean up after him because she’s studying while he is working.
The original poster (OP) began by sharing that her daughter, who is in college and lives full time on campus, often comes home to study because it’s quiet in the house during the day as no one has been there because both she and her husband have full-time jobs that require them to be out of the house all day.
However, her husband recently got a new job that allows him to work from home full time, but because he works on a computer all day it is still quiet in the house, so her daughter still comes home to study. OP said that her husband and his stepdaughter (OP’s biological daughter) get along and have a good relationship. She said they have respected each other’s space, and there have been no issues until recently.
OP’s daughter recently complained to her mother that her stepfather has been asking her to do things around the house to help keep the house clean and tidy. He has been knocking on her bedroom door while she is studying and requesting her to clean up the table after he has lunch or wipes up water that he spilled on the floor, but he doesn’t have time to clean up because he has a meeting or deadline.
OP’s daughter said she feels like he doesn’t care about her study time and doesn’t acknowledge that she is also working. OP’s daughter said she has no problem helping clean and do her part, but since he’s been home, he has requested her to do more cleaning.
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Calling Him Out
OP told her daughter not to clean up after any more of his messes, to focus on her studying, and that she would speak with her husband. After this, OP came home to a messy table after her husband had not cleaned up after his lunch. She questioned him why the table was a mess, and he responded that her daughter should’ve cleaned it up because he asked her to and that he was called away for an urgent meeting.
This angered OP, and she told her husband that she was there to study for her exams and not clean up after him and that he should have cleaned up after the meeting was over. She also told her husband that she knows he has been requesting her to clean up after him more often, to which he replied that she should be helping out while using their house to study and that it’s not a big deal if he asks her to help out.
To help keep everyone honest, OP told both that they are responsible for cleaning up any mess they make at the house. Later that evening, OP’s husband told her that he felt like she humiliated him in front of her daughter, to which OP responded, “grow up and clean up after yourself.”
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Reddit Weighs In
Redditors were quick to respond to this dirty dish dilemma.
One Redditor responded, “Wow, NTA, your husband is being very sexist and entitled. Why should your daughter clean up HIS mess? That’s crazy!!”
A second Redditor said, “Sounds like he has horrible (or excellent) time management skills if he can always just finish eating but just doesn’t have the time to clean up after himself before his important meetings.”
A third Redditor said, “I’m gonna assume he believes his wife’s daughter should do more around the house in exchange for living there. But as it’s not something his wife required of her child, it’s completely out of line for him to ask that of her. I think he’s being passive aggressive and if he’s put out that his wife’s daughter is staying there, he should discuss this S with his wife and not just give her daughter chores that only appears to clean up after HIM and not like chores to help the entire household.”
Another user said, “The husband’s only upset because he got called out over his ‘Big Man of The House’ act. He’s an adult; he can clear up after himself.”
Finally, a Redditor shared, “this is a power play. He is offended that some interloper is allowed in his territory. This is him trying to get her to submit to him. OOP, address this. It sounds like you are the top dog and he is looking for someone to be below him. Maybe he feels like he is somehow less than you. NTA”
Redditors felt like he was in the wrong. What is your opinion? Should the daughter be picking up after her stepfather?
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As a full-time working mom of three, I know what it’s like to feel like life is out of balance and out of control.
While I don’t have it all figured out, I am committed to sharing helpful tips and tricks with other mommas who are ready to break free from negativity, ditch mom guilt, & finally, live life on their own terms.