Lessons from The Married: What Unmarried People Should Know
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Marriage is a unique and complex journey that brings together two individuals in a lifelong commitment. One interesting question asked was: “What is something you wish unmarried people knew?” This thought-provoking question invites people to reflect on the wisdom and insights they have gained through the experience of marriage. The responses shared offer a glimpse into the intricacies, challenges, and joys of married life, providing valuable advice and perspectives to those who have yet to embark on this path.
Communication
To begin, someone said, “Learn to communicate with each other. Good communication goes a long way to keeping things together. Both parties have to be willing and able to sit down and talk about things, maybe not right away, but at some point.“
Another comment was, “It’s not always sunshine and unicorns. There will be disagreements/fights/disappointments. Marriage can be great, but it takes work and communication.”
Trust
One comment was, “Don’t hide anything from your SO(secrets, behavior, opinions, tastes, plans, wishes, what turns you on/off). The longer you keep it, the more you’ll see that it’s not your real self, and it gets harder to get it out.”
Shared Goals and Values
A user replied, “Common values matter way more than common interests.”
A second user added, “You have to marry the right person. How do you know who that person is? Your values match up. If your values don’t match up at least 95%, DON’T MARRY THAT PERSON.”
Quality time
Emotional Support
One popular comment was, “Go to therapy when you notice a continued pattern of conflict BEFORE it becomes something that festers and becomes irreconcilable. The fact is, you grew up in different families with different ways of seeing the world, gender roles, day-to-day tasks, etc. Disagreement is inevitable.”
Finances
Intimacy
A person replied, “S****x really does get better the longer you work at it.”
Respect
A user commented, “Marry someone you respect (and love, of course). It makes it easier for both to hold their tongue in passionate arguments. Fewer apologies and buried guilt, and gives the chance to explain positions/feelings without blame.”
Personal Space and Independence
One funny comment was, “It’s okay to use two blankets. No one likes to wake up with cold ass cheeks because your spouse stole the blanket.”
Another comment was, “It’s okay to spend time away from your husband/wife once in a while. Having your own separate hobbies is a good thing.”
Household Chores and Responsibilities
A person said, “Even if you do one thing, do it consistently, like taking out the garbage every day. Commit to your duties. Don’t decide you don’t want to do so because it is not rewarding or you are not thanked for it.”
Conflict Resolution
One user shared, “Getting married WILL NOT help solve any issues in your relationship….”
A second user added, “A gracious, heartfelt apology goes a long way.”
Compromise
One smart user replied, “Compromise is not a sign of weakness. It is done out of respect for your spouse.”
Parenting
One simple comment said, “Marriage doesn’t change your social life and hobbies. Kids do.”
Another comment was, “If you have a kid(s) and you figure out that you can’t be happily married, FFS, and for the sake of the kids and your own sanity, try your best to be happily divorced.”
Health and Self-Care
One person shared, “Your single problems will be your married problems. Marriage and your spouse can’t fix you. Work on yourself as much as you can before you get married. For yourself and for your spouse.”
Appreciation and Gratitude
A popular comment was, “Find someone who is your biggest cheerleader and vice-versa, no matter what, life is so much easier.”
Maintaining Individual Identities
A user said, “It’s ok to remain an individual and be married.”
A second user added, “Do not get married or stay married if your marriage or relationship limits your life or what you want to do.”
Friendship and Companionship
A person shared, “It’s a partnership, not a competition. Over the last thirty years, there have been times when he carried every burden and others when I did the carrying.”
Keeping the Romance Alive
One comment said, “Never stop dating your partner; marriage doesn’t mean you get to be complacent. This means making time and setting your schedules aside just as you did when you weren’t engaged for your loved one.”
Continual Growth and Learning
Finally, a user added, “Getting married is easy. Staying married is hard. Get help if things seem too hard. My wife and I carried a lot of childhood trauma into our marriage. A counselor helped us both understand that and gave us tools to handle it. We would have divorced without the help.”
Source: Reddit
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