Navigating Those Relationships: In-Laws After Loss
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Losing a spouse is an unimaginable tragedy that can bring about profound changes in one’s life. In such circumstances, the question arises: would you choose to maintain a relationship with your in-laws? The dynamics between in-laws can be complex, influenced by personal connections, shared experiences, and individual circumstances. Join us as we explore the various perspectives and considerations that come into play when deciding whether to maintain these relationships.
Emotional Bond With In-Laws
One person simply said, “Yes, they’re nicer than my parents.”
Another said, “She’s nicer than my mom anyway. No way I wouldn’t be there for her. She’s worked so hard to provide for my Fiancé, no way I could not keep her in my life.”
Shared Memories and Support
Connection For The Children
One Redditor simply wrote, “Yes, so they could continue to have a relationship with their grandchild.”
A second Redditor added, “I genuinely can’t stand my mother-in-law, but she would deserve to see and spend time with her granddaughters.”
Emotions Are High
A user replied, “No. My in-laws are intrusive, overbearing, and manipulative. I would cut ties immediately. They fully brag about how he “works” people to use them. Every encounter is a struggle to be polite.”
Continued Family Traditions
One comment was, “I would totally cut them out of my life. They are horrible people who think only of themselves. They’ve ruined every holiday, birthday, and special occasion where I’ve included them. This is my 2nd marriage, and I’m closer to my 1st in-laws than these posers. I only tolerate them occasionally for my husband, but basically, I avoid them now.”
Already Deceased
A person wrote, “Nope. I got lucky…inlaws were dead before we were married. Poor husband, on the other hand, had to deal with my toxic, insane blood relatives…for a while. We actually cut all of them out about 4 years into the marriage when he discovered I wasn’t exaggerating about how bad they were.”
Support During Grief
One comment was, “My wife committed suicide 6 years ago – June. I don’t keep in touch with her father because she didn’t (she went low contact before we even started dating), but her mother and I reach out to each other every few months to catch up.”
Another comment was, “My wife died, in my arms, on May 13th of cancer complications. Her dad called me last night to check in on me, and her mom called the day before for the same reason. I call them Mom and Dad, and they will be that for the rest of my life.”
Valuing The Relationship
One user commented, “The second I started dating their son, my in-laws took me in and treated me like one of their own. I didn’t know what a kind, loving family or parents were really like before. Experiencing it was a huge revelation. I would absolutely maintain a relationship with them, and I know they would want the same.”
Financial/Practical Considerations
A user replied, “I trust my in-laws alone with my child more than I trust my father, to the extent I have listed custody arrangements in my will. In-laws definitely go before my dad in the custody line. I have every expectation that in the event of the worst, they would absolutely still be there for me and my child.”
Cultural/Religious Beliefs
A popular comment was, “I’ve never actually met my in-laws, so there would be nothing to maintain. My husband is an ex-Jehovah’s Witness. Step out of line in that religion, including just by leaving it, getting shunned. It’s pretty vicious, and I’m happy I’ve never met them; I would have a lot of words to say if I did, none of them kind.”
Honoring The Deceased Spouse
One user said, “I do keep in contact with her family. They had been my family for 19 years before she passed away. They are still my brothers and sisters. They are still my children’s aunts and uncles and grandmother. I still love them like I always have.”
Finding Solace In Shared Loss
A user shared, “Truth be told, no. They would probably remind me too much of her and would only make things worse for me. If it provides them some kind of solace, sure, I’ll keep in touch. But for me? Not likely.”
Strengthening Extended Family Bonds
A most-liked comment was, “Absolutely. I’m closer to them than I am to my own family.”
Another comment said, “Not widowed but divorced. I ensured my son, who decided on no contact with his dad, kept in touch with his paternal grandmother. I visited her at Christmas and her birthday, which is more than my ex did. No reason why she should miss out on a grandson entirely just because we were not together anymore.”
Contact With Just Siblings
One Redditor thought, “Maybe, but probably not. We don’t have kids right now. The only one I would probably still speak to is her little brother, he’s a good kid, and her parents are kind of crappy to him. Her sister and brother-in-law use him for free babysitting and chores. His mom takes money out of his account to get her nails done and shit and his dad is old-school religious. When he comes to our house, we let him relax and chill cause everyone else is constantly demanding things of him.”
Horrible People
A popular comment was, “Absolutely not. I would never talk to them again. They are horrific people.”
A second comment was, “When I got divorced, I couldn’t WAIT to get the fuck away from her family. I miss my stepdaughters more than a drowning man misses air, but other than that, I can’t wait to read the rest of their obituaries.”
Navigating Complex Emotions
A user commented, “I don’t know. I really like my in-laws and consider them family, but aside from the fact that I married their daughter, we have no common ground. I think hanging out with them would ultimately just be painful.”
Another user said, “My ex – no way! The first time meeting my former MIL, she told me to stop trying to take away her son from her. They only cared about him, and I was just used goods.”
Maintaining A Support System
One person shared, “Yes, we’re living in their basement, and I’m pregnant with their grandchild. Also, my parents are on the other side of the country, and my in-laws have brought me in as their own daughter. Pretty sure my MIL likes me better than her own son, lol.”
The decision to maintain a relationship with in-laws after the passing of a spouse is deeply personal and can vary greatly depending on individual circumstances. While some Redditors may choose to maintain the connection due to emotional bonds, shared memories, or support for the children, others may have practical considerations, cultural beliefs, or simply find solace in the unity and togetherness of extended family. Ultimately, it is a choice that is influenced by grief, personal values, and the desire to honor the deceased spouse.
Source: Reddit
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