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This 2nd-time mama is getting into trouble because she’s just asking for diapers for her shower. She has everything else she needs from her 1st child.
Baby showers are a time to celebrate both new life and the mother to be, there is no set rule on how many baby showers a mother should have, but some feel that one is enough, almost to say, “We gave gifts to your first, now you’re on your own.” However, if you remember that you’re invited because you are loved, and someone wants you to share in the celebration of their baby, it changes the point of view pretty quickly. One Redditor is having her second baby shower and is learning that not everyone feels the same about a second shower and what her needs for the baby are.
The original poster (OP) is pregnant with her second child, and her second baby shower is coming up in April, so she recently sent out invitations. OP goes on to say that she is very picky regarding design aesthetics. And she absolutely hates the modern trend of beige and muted colors and tacky text, especially on baby onesies. So she does not want any of these items to be purchased for the next baby.
OP says she cannot expect her family and friends, who aren’t super close to her, to meticulously pick out baby clothes to her liking, as that’s completely unreasonable. So for her baby shower, she requested that guests bring diapers only. She says she still has a lot of items left from her previous child as well, so it’s not like she’s looking for clothes and toys. At her last baby shower, she got a lot of onesies that she didn’t like and ended up donating them. OP feels like she doesn’t want her loved ones to waste money, and she certainly doesn’t want to pretend she likes a gift that she doesn’t.
Recently a few of her cousins messaged her and said that she was being a bit stuck up and ungrateful by asking guests only to bring diapers. They said that they wanted to spoil the baby. She said that all she and the baby need are diapers. However, her cousins are still upset. OP says she can’t understand why her asking for diapers only at her shower has caused some drama amongst her family and is wondering if this is a new baby shower rule she’s never heard of.
The Masses Weigh In
Redditors gave their opinions on whether the OP’s diaper request was unheard of or normal.
One Redditor said, “Frankly, if you have no need for gifts, just don’t have a shower.”
A second Redditor agreed with OP and said, “Diapers are a budgetary burden for new families. This seems like a reasonable request.”
A third Redditor said, “Who cares? Baby showers aren’t just about gifts. It’s about spending time with family.”
Another user said, “Wow, people here are REALLY uptight about what qualifies as a baby shower. Call it a shower or a sprinkle or whatever you like. You’re throwing a party to celebrate your baby with friends and family. You have baby things already, so if anyone would like to bring a gift, you would prefer diapers. All that is perfectly fine. As long as you don’t throw a fit if some people bring other gifts and thank them graciously before you discreetly rehome what you don’t like, NTA.”
A Redditor gave this perspective, “We literally have something called a doeke braai (South Africa tradition), which translates to diaper barbecue if you only want diapers. It’s just called something else, but it’s still about celebrating this new little human.”
Another Redditor said, “NTA. I can’t tell you how many baby showers for second or third kids I’ve been invited to that request either diapers or books if you would like to bring a gift.”
Finally, a user said, “Baby shower gifts are to get what the baby NEEDS.”
You need diapers more than you need clothing. It’s perfectly respectable to request only those things.
Redditors mostly agreed that the OP was not in the wrong. She had a right to ask for diapers if that was all she wanted.
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As a full-time working mom of three, I know what it’s like to feel like life is out of balance and out of control.
While I don’t have it all figured out, I am committed to sharing helpful tips and tricks with other mommas who are ready to break free from negativity, ditch mom guilt, & finally, live life on their own terms.