Tit for Tat: She Knows Her Friend Wouldn’t Spend Hundreds on Her Birthday, so She’s REFUSING to Spend That on Her Friend’s Birthday

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If you know a friend won’t spend much on your birthday would you do it for her?

A Reddit user shares her story of not wanting to spend hundreds of dollars to go on her friend’s birthday trip.

Planning in Advance

vacation MSN
Photo Credit: Adobe Stock.

The original poster (OP) explained that her best friend is planning her birthday trip months in advance. She wants to go out of the country for a week, and everything she decides to do will need to be split between her and OP. Before her friend started making her plans, OP made her New Year’s resolution trying to spend less money and save more.

She wants to eliminate all unnecessary spending so she can pay off her credit card debt and move to a different city. OP knows that if she agrees to go on her friend’s trip, she’ll be putting herself in more debt and won’t be able to relocate at the end of the summer.

OP also knows from past experiences that her friend would never do this for her birthday. OP said she didn’t even get her card or gift for her birthday in December or for Christmas. OP wants to tell her that she doesn’t want to spend the money on international travel just for her, but she doesn’t want to ruin the trip by not going.

The Masses Weigh In

The Reddit community was quick to support OP’s decision.

One user said:

“I’m sorry this does not sound like an actual friend but someone who can manipulate OP and make feel guilty while she comes out looking like a victim. OP this person, based on your post wouldn’t be bothered to treat you like an acquaintance yet you’re expecting to basically pay for half her dream trip???? You wanna know why she picked you out of all the people she could’ve picked? Because you’ve taught her years ago that she can treat you like however, she wants to treat you…an atm, someone she can take complete advantage of, or an inconvenience. I’d bet my first-born you’ve felt like all three around her. The fact that you feel guilty about trying to protect yourself financially says volumes. Learn how to put up and enforce boundaries without guilt.”

Another user warned OP to not let herself be manipulated after she says no. “NTA. It is not rude or mean to say ‘Friend, I cannot afford this vacation’ or ‘This is not in my budget.’ Hold firm. She will be disappointed and is allowed to be, but don’t be manipulated. You also don’t owe anyone details of your financial situation beyond ‘I can’t afford that.’ You could suggest an alternative plan (a weekend getaway within driving distance?) that is within your budget or just leave it at ‘I can’t afford it.'”

Another user told OP that her friend’s birthday shouldn’t take priority over her own financial goals. “NTA. Her birthday doesn’t take priority over your own financial goals/preferences, even if she was willing to do the same for you. It definitely doesn’t take priority when she’s not willing to reciprocate. Last her know as soon as possible that you can’t afford to participate in her celebration but you’d be willing to [insert whatever boundary, such as taking her out to dinner], and then stick to that boundary. But are you sure she’s your best friend if she’s fine with demanding all of that from you but won’t even bother to do the bare minimum in return? It sounds like you might be her best friend but she’s certainly not yours.”

Should OP set a boundary and stick to it? Or should she agree to go on the trip and not upset her friend? How would you have reacted in this situation?

This article was produced and syndicated by Motherhood Life Balance. This article is inspired by the internet and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of Motherhood Life Balance.

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