Hindsight is 20/20: 10 Dating Red Flags You Shouldn’t Have Overlooked
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While scrolling through a popular online women’s forum, I encountered the question, What signs have you ignored while dating, which is a problem after marriage? Here are the top-voted answers.
1. Mama’s Boy
One user shared, “Mommy still bought him his clothes,” before another topped her’s with, “Mommy still cleaned the ear wax out of his ears.
With her nails. And he was 30+, ugh.” Several women expressed their disgust, while one noted, “What a terrible day to know how to read.”
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2. Little White Lies
“Little white lies. It turned out he also told huge lies,” shared one. A second suggested, “Anyone who so casually gives little white lies for minimal gain is also comfortable with bigger lies. The small ones are just the baseline for what they think is ok.”
3. Messy Living Space
One woman confessed, “I say this fully loving my husband, and it is something he is genuinely working on and has improved quite a bit (still working on it, though), but if they don’t clean their dorm room, apartment, or whatever…they won’t clean the home you share.”
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4. Proud of Not Ever Doing Anything He Didn’t Want To Do
“When he was proud of not ever doing anything he didn’t want to. It turns out he’s right. He won’t, which included changing absolutely anything in his life when the children arrived.
The holes in the walls speak for themselves.” Many offered sympathy to this woman, who assured everyone she and her children were safe and no longer in the home.
5. All of Them
“All of them. Seriously. Whatever mildly annoys you while you’re dating will make you want to scream at them after 5-10 years of marriage. They will not change just because you married them.
Any minor point of contention now is likely to become a central sticking point later. Pay attention to these things and decide which ones you do or don’t want to live with,” another advised.
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6. Parents Being Too Involved
One woman explained, “How involved are his parents in your relationship? We dated for only a few months, and his parents were always involved in our relationship. However, I didn’t ignore this sign. I broke up with him not long after I noticed this, but this is a big one, ladies.
I mean that the parents would make decisions for him or influence his decisions; they would know about things happening in our relationship, etc. It’s just weird, you know? We were in our mid-twenties. This kind of dynamic is just unhealthy.”
7. The Way He Treated Other People
“The way he treats OTHER people, not just me,” explained one. “He was good to me early on because he wanted to impress me. The poor treatment came later. So the lesson I learned is to watch how he (or she) treats OTHER people.
Since they’re not trying to impress them, you can spot their true colors much more easily that way. Watch how they treat their friends, family, coworkers, etc.
You’re looking for a pattern of behavior. If they have a problem with their boss, maybe they have a lousy boss. If they have a problem with every boss they’ve ever had, that’s a different story!
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One woman shared, “Persistence- at first, I was flattered that he didn’t just never-minded my no to dating him or my not answering my phone if I was upset. Persistence meant he cared! People who don’t care give up.
Probably the MOST incorrect thing I have ever believed. Persistence is a red flag. Refusing to let you leave it at no is a consent issue. Refusing to let you choose not to talk is a control issue.
It is a sign this human doesn’t respect boundaries or consent. At first, five missed calls after a bicker is somewhat charming. Fifteen years later, it threatens your life if you don’t answer now! NEVER mistake Persistence for caring.
The only thing a human should ever persist on you is for taking care of yourself. Any other reason is for their self-gain.”
9. P.C. Gamer
“He’s only on that PC, gaming. All. The. Time. I got used to it in a while (I’m a PC player, too, primarily), but dang, I had to SCREAM a few times for help. I do most things myself, and I need it when I ask for help,” shared another.
“I didn’t know it would bother me until after a while. Of course, I was 18 when we met and dated only one guy before him, so I didn’t know better. Besides that, he’s great, though. Loving husband, and I can always rely on him when it’s for something serious.”
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“Indecision,” one said. “Being wishy-washy about small decisions. It led to him not being able to honor significant commitments. He was easily swayed.”
We hope you enjoyed this Reddit discussion about signs people ignored while dating that evolved into marital problems. This article is inspired by the internet and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of Motherhood Life Balance.
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