20 Trending Examples of Toxic Femininity in 2023
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A buzzword this year is femininity. Femininity is a set of attributes, behaviors, and roles generally associated with women and girls. Although we hope our femininity is good and we use it to make a difference in the world, it can sometimes be too much. Toxic femininity is starting to rear its ugly head, and people are noticing. What are examples of toxic femininity?
Moms Bullying Moms
One Redditor wrote, “They’re f****** ruthless. I follow mom groups and just read half the stuff they say to each other. It’s sickening.”
Another Redditor added, “As a new mom, I used to read blogs for support and to try to meet and interact with other new moms. Omg. Don’t do this. As a new parent, don’t.”
Breast Fed or Formula Fight
A user commented, “My wife could not produce enough milk for our children. When our first was born, she tried and tried. I woke up in the middle of the night to her crying. She felt like she was a horrible mom to even bring up the formula.”
A second user added, “Indeed. A parent’s main responsibility in the first 3 or so years is to keep the kid alive via any means possible, against their own ever more creative attempts, I might add.”
A third user replied, “Fed is best. Period. But the shame and guilt are monumental.”
Interest Shaming
A comment read, “t I felt a version of this a couple of weeks ago when I needed a 1/4-inch bolt cutter. Without planning to, I arrived at the hardware store right when it opened. The hardware store is next to Bed Bath and Beyond. I had to walk past a group of “real women” who were waiting for BB&B to open and felt very “other” for a hot second.”
A second comment was, “It’s even worse when you have the same interests but decide to find fault with you elsewhere. Gamer girls can be … yea, IDK what word to put here. There isn’t one.”
Playing The Victim
One Redditor replied, “Being verbally abusive and then playing victim the second the other person argues back or raises their voice.”
A second Redditor added, “There is a term for this! Reactive abuse. It is where you engage in abusive behavior to intentionally provoke a response that makes your victim appear as the aggressor.”
Belittling Women Without Children
A user replied, “Mothers telling women without kids that their life is meaningless and they can’t understand true love.”
Another user added, “Saying someone’s life is meaningless without having kids is like saying someone’s life is meaningless if they haven’t made mashed potatoes. Many people love mashed potatoes, which doesn’t mean everyone should be required to make it.”
Self-Presentation Views
A Redditor wrote, “I’m surprised I’m not seeing anything about pushing standards of self-presentation on other women. For example, “you can’t wear heels if you’re too tall,” “if you don’t wear makeup, it means you’re lazy,” “she should have gone on a diet before wearing that dress”, etc. To me, this is what toxic feminity is.”
A second Redditor commented, “My girlfriend is afraid to wear heels with me because the culture she grew up in says women can’t be taller than the man. I have to constantly remind her to wear whatever she thinks will make her feel pretty and that I’ll try not to slouch so much when she wears heels.”
Saying ‘If you’re a real man.”
One comment read, “Pulling the “If you’re a real man” card whenever they need something.”
Another comment was, “I’ve yet to date a woman who hasn’t played this card at some point in time. The most disheartening thing is I date very liberal women.”
Throwing Other Woman Under The Bus
A user wrote, “Women who throw other women under the bus for a man, or the attention of a man, etc.”
A second user added, “I’ve never dropped a childhood friend so fast than when she told me to cover up more in front of her greasy, cheating bf bc he wouldn’t stop staring.”
Women as Perpetrators
One Redditor commented, “Thinking women cannot be perpetrators of domestic abuse, sexual assault, and rape.”
Another Redditor added, “My sister would beat me until I was bruised regularly because she knew I wouldn’t fight back. Our folks just assumed I was making stuff up.”
Single Women Are Sad
A popular comment read, “Right?? If you can’t live with yourself and be happily single, then why the hell would you expect somebody else to put up with you? Too many relationships explode because one or both people are dumb enough to expect another person to compensate for issues that they can’t even sort out on their own.”
Another comment after that was, “My friend’s mum is single after getting out of a violent marriage. She’s happily single. Her own mum keeps telling her she can’t really be happy if she’s single and that she’s lying to herself.”
Cheating Double Standards
A Redditor wrote, “The mindset that a man cheats because he’s a scumbag looking for some fun, but a woman cheats because she’s feeling unloved in a relationship and the intimacy is just not there. Cheaters are sh***y people, period.”
A second Redditor replied, “Imo, that’s like a red flag, isn’t it? The inability to see something from another person’s point of view and assuming others are bad/stupid, instead of looking at a person as a complex system.”
Female Bashing
One user said, “I cannot tell you how many times I’ve overheard women bashing one another in the office either. Hair, makeup, boyfriends, clothing choices, diets, body types … it goes on and on.”
Another used replied, “I cannot tell you how many times I’ve overheard women bashing one another in the office either. Hair, makeup, boyfriends, clothing choices, diets, body types … it goes on and on.”
No Romantic Effort
A popular comment read, “Not putting in romantic efforts in a relationship because they think only men should be romantic and pamper them. Works both ways!”
A Redditor added, “As a dude, this. Called my ex-girlfriend beautiful daily, think she told me I was handsome maybe twice. I’d get her small stuff related to her interests, wouldn’t even watch a show I wanted to watch. Is it too much to ask for some kind of support? She melted down when I’d need time to work on school, but she could go take time to herself while I couldn’t. Left me feeling cold and weird. Complement your men, ladies.”
Policing
One user said, “I hate the policing, honestly – It’s incredibly odd when you’re an adult and get isolated by all the women in your office because you said you couldn’t drink.”
Another user replied, “policing other women’s bodies and hobbies.”
MLM Schemes
One Redditor replied, “Any MLM s**t, yOu arE sO pRetTy juSt nEeD tO use mY prOduCt for bLah blAh bLaH… and then they steal your money.”
A second Redditor added, “I swear it’s so s****y of them! Really hurts. Like I know I am not “pretty” or “attractive” by your definition, but please stop commenting on things I should do to look better.”
A third Redditor commented, “Hey girl, I noticed you were a bit overweight. Wanna try some of my bull products that’ll do nothing? They’re so insensitive too.”
Equality When Wanted
One comment was, “Wanting to be treated equally only in certain situations, depending on who benefits most from it. You can’t pick and choose like that. We should all be treated equally all the time, in every aspect.”
Another comment added, “This! It’s extremely frustrating because it undermines attempts at actual equality.”
Fake Tears
A user wrote, “fake crying to avoid accountability.”
A second user replied, “my sister and mom have oscar worthy performances. if they mostly stop and start talking much faster or normally after you give in with sympathy, you know it’s a crock.”
Leading On A Guy
A Redditor commented, “Leading on a guy you don’t intend to get romantic with to get him to do things for you.”
Another Redditor said, “Or the exact opposite: pretending not to like a guy because they “want to make him work for me.”
A third Redditor added, “I will never understand the reasoning because that’s just manipulation.”
Criticizing Men
One popular comment was, “women who bully/criticize guys on their height and treat them horribly, but when a guy PREFERS to not date a 250lbs woman, oh, he’s a misogynistic pig that’s judging women based on their appearance.”
Another comment read, “I had a friend who was like this. She couldn’t understand that she was being hypocritical. I am no longer friends with her for other reasons.”
Abusing the Family Court System
A Redditor commented, “Can’t believe I haven’t seen anyone mention this yet, abusing the family court system that is already biased against men. A toxic woman can show up to court and make the most outlandish, preposterous, defamatory claims against a man with no evidence to completely cut the father out of the picture, force him to pay 3/4 of his paycheck to her in child support, destroy his reputation and mental health, and send him to jail if he falls behind on child support. “
There you have it toxic femininity from the mouths of Redditors. What do you think of toxic femininity? What are some examples?
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