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Have you been through the transformative journey of changing your mind about having kids? Were you once convinced that parenthood wasn’t for you, only to have a change of heart when “The One” came along? If so, I’m curious to know how that decision has played out for you. Has it proven to be a wise choice, or do you find yourself grappling with regret? Let’s delve into the experiences of parents who have undergone this transformation and explore the outcomes they’ve faced. Share your stories and let’s uncover the diverse paths people have taken on their parenting journeys.
Someone started with, “Yes!!! 100%. I would feel so guilty if I ever suspected that my husband might be unsure about not having kids. Our lives are easy and fulfilling, child-free and we are the best aunt and uncle.”
A user replied, “ I probably shouldn’t have had kids. Couple points of clarification: I don’t know that “regret” is the right term, and I am in a tough time right now where they’re younger and a lot of work. But life is HARD with kids; they’re expensive and exhausting, and as a mother, you definitely lose a LOT of your identity the second they arrive. “
Travel and Exploration
Someone shared, “We ended up adopting a girl (who turns three on July 2nd), who was in our care since she was two days old. And we had another girl not long after (after we stopped treatments to help with pregnancy). I don’t get to travel like I want to or be spontaneous anymore. But I do not regret anything at all. I’ve found emotions watching them grow up and interact that I didn’t know I had.”
One person said, “As someone who knows they will never want children, this thread is a horror movie. “I always said I didn’t want them, but then one day….” God, I hope my husband doesn’t do that to me.”
Another person agreed, “No kids? More money for booze and late-night Netflix binges. No regrets, my friend. Enjoy the freedom!”
One popular story was, “My husband swore up and down that he didn’t believe in marriage or kids. I was always told I couldn’t have kids and was just out of an 8-year-long relationship when I met him. I wanted to have fun, and he seemed like a great person. Three months in, and I remember just looking at him and knowing… This was it. This was my person. A year later, he started talking about marriage while we were on a camping trip. Little did we know we also conceived our first son during that trip… A month goes by, and I’m feeling sick and nauseous all the time. I end up buying a pregnancy test and discovered that, yep. I’m pregnant. I go home to our house and decide to let him off the hook. I want the baby, but I’m not going to make him a part of a child’s life if he doesn’t want to be. I sit down to tell him, and the moment I look at him, I can’t help but blurt it out. He got the biggest, silliest grin on his face. And said, ‘Yes, let’s do it! I want it all. I want to marry you. I want to have children with you. All of it!’”
A sad story was “Chiming in from the child’s perspective. I wish she hadn’t. I was a surprise baby born to mom at 38 and dad at 39. Neither planned nor intended to have kids. But they had good jobs. They owned a home; they decided, what the heck let’s roll with it. Now there’s a version of this story where everything worked out. But that’s not the version I grew up in. My dad lost his job just before I was born. The neighborhood/school district the house was in went to hell. My mom had to quit her job to take care of her mother after a stroke when I was 2. Dad died unexpectedly of a heart attack when I was 8. Mom’s mom died 6 months later. Mom’s work certification expired that year, and she missed the chance to recertify. The grief and depression, and anger that consumed my mother overflowed onto me and shaped me for 11 years. “
Someone said, ‘I’m 39 and don’t consider myself mature enough to have children. Then add in my financial situation, living situation, physical health, and mental health. I’m pretty sure that having kids would be an incredibly irresponsible thing for me to do. I am already exhausted most of the time. I think children would break me.”
Impact on Existing Relationships
A person replied, “I never wanted them. My then-boyfriend, now husband, was on the fence. After I married him and saw how he did his fair share of household duties and how supportive he was of my career, I thought, “I wouldn’t mind having kids if he was going to pull his weight.” So we just went along with the flow, and one day I tested positive. Our son is exhausting, but he brings so much happiness into our lives. But he brings extreme fear too. When your kid smiles at you and holds your hand, your world lights up. When he falls so sick that he needs to be rushed to the hospital, or you see him bleeding from the mouth cos he split his lip… Those were some terrifying moments. You now live your life with your heart walking outside of your body.”
One user said, “I don’t regret having my daughter, she’s the best, but I immediately got a vasectomy. Kids are a huge responsibility, and I wanna dedicate my full love, attention, and resources to her. I wanna be the best dad I can be. The thought of another newborn at home sends shivers down my spine, though.”
One comment was, “My wife and I were of the opinion that we weren’t really parent material. Just a couple of big kids with a host of mental issues that barely functioned as adults.”
Personal Goals and Achievements
Someone replied, “Among many amazing traits, a factor of my husband being “the one” was that neither of us wanted to have children. To me, whether you want a family is a foundational thing to be on the same page about. We had similar lifestyle goals & we’re loving our child-free life!”
Concerns About the World’s State
A person commented, “I never wanted kids. Met my husband and had three. I didn’t regret it at all until the world started going to sh***t, and I now feel incredibly guilty that I’ve brought them into such a dismal reality.”
Lack of Interest In Caregiving
Someone said, “I never wanted kids, so I got my tubes removed. Then I met the one, and guess what? He’s had a vasectomy. “The one” wouldn’t want kids, either.”
Another person added, “I’ve never wanted kids. I’m 28f and have been in two serious relationships with men who each had one toddler. I liked the kids, I liked my cousin’s kids, and I liked most of my friend’s kids. I like playing “fun aunt.” Otherwise, I’m awkward and quite frankly just disinterested in most children.”
Desire For A Child-Free Lifestyle
A popular story was, “Ayooo, never wanted kids, tequila said, “hold my beer!” Didn’t find out until my then-girlfriend was something like five months along because she was having her period on time the whole time. We found out the gender of the same appointment we found out we were expecting. We went home, freaked out, cried, and generally wallowed in our own self-pity. I was raised by a single mom and a parade of her boyfriends in conjunction with a shi****y dad and his parade of new wives. I decided right there that I would be the dad I wished I had grown up with. My wife and I are celebrating thirteen amazing years together, and the little guy turns eleven next month. He is the light of our lives.”
One person said, “I grew up having to help raise my uncle’s extremely large brood of kids. I saw the toll that being constantly pregnant and having to look after an ever-growing football team’s worth of kids had on her. I swore that was never going to be me.”
Negative Experiences with Children/Parenting
One user replied, ‘My GF (26f at the time) and I (20m at that time) were driving, and a couple of kids ran across the road, and I had to crash my car to avoid them. After the accident, I exploded and beat the steering wheel and said, “GD it! I f-ing hate kids!” She started crying and told me she was pregnant. I am sitting on the couch now with my grown son and baby grandson. Ex is 1500 miles away. I have no regrets.”
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