The Woes of Weddings with Divorced Parents and a Difficult Step-Mother: She Doesn’t Want Her Stepmother or Stepsister in Her Life After the Wedding Drama that Took Place
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Being a child of divorce is never easy, even if the biological parents have an amicable split; the variable always seems to be the step-parent. Some step-parents are wonderful and fill the role quite nicely and make it feel like they’ve always been there.
However, some step-parents come in and make the situation harder than it already is. Children of divorce often feel like things will get easier once they’re on their own, especially when away from the “evil” step-parent. However, one Redditor recently found out that even after all this time, her step-parent still has ill will toward one of her biological parents.
The original poster (OP) grew up with very young parents that divorced when she was 10. OP said neither parent handled the divorce well, and both refused to be in the same room as the other. As a result, OP grew up having separate holidays, birthdays, etc., with each parent.
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OP said that she is closer to her mother than her father because her mother had primary custody, so OP spent most of her childhood and teen years with her. OP went on to say that she never had a close relationship with her father’s wife (OP’s stepmother) and that they don’t talk or see each other much outside of major family gatherings.
Recently, OP got married and said that it was the first major event that her biological parents had to be at together in a long time. Both parents promised OP they would be on their best behavior at the wedding and even offered to do a combined speech!
Before the wedding, OP asked her stepmother and stepsister if they would like to get ready for her bridal party on the wedding day. OP’s stepmother declined, saying she would be too uncomfortable getting ready in the same room as OP’s mother.
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This caused major anxiety for OP because she was trying to make everyone happy. To try and quell her anxiety and her stepmother’s insecurities, OP decided that she would run everything involving her biological parents on the wedding by her stepmother, thinking that if she got the “OK,” there wouldn’t be any drama the day of the wedding.
OP ran everything by her stepmother, from the “parents of the bride” speech to the slide show containing pictures of her biological parents, and even went as far as to set the seating up so that OP’s biological mom and stepmother didn’t even face one another. OP felt as if she had done right by everyone and hoped it would make her wedding day that much easier and drama free.
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After Wedding Drama
After the wedding was over, OP’s stepmother told her that she should have done more to include her. OP responded by telling her about all the effort she put in to make her comfortable on OP’s wedding day.
OP’s stepmother said that her efforts weren’t good enough and she should have been treated equally to her mom. OP’s stepmother said she was offended that all the girls got ready together, and she and her daughter weren’t invited. OP reminded her that she did invite them, and she told the OP she wouldn’t be comfortable being around her mom.
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This led to a huge fight. OP’s stepmother kept mentioning the past and bad-mouthing OP’s mom. OP told her to respect her boundaries and leave her out of any drama she had with her mom, but her stepmother just threw it back in her face saying now she can’t express her feelings to OP. After this, OP and her husband kicked her stepmother and biological father out of their house.
Out Of Their Lives
OP is pregnant with twins (the first grandbabies in the family), and OP’s father and stepmother have been excluded from all celebrations (gender reveal, baby shower, etc.). OP feels that her stepmother has made it very clear that she doesn’t want to be around OP’s mom, and OP will no longer go out of her way to accommodate her after the wedding fiasco.
OP’s father has made it clear that he will not attend any events without his wife, so OP feels he’s excluding himself by default. OP did tell her dad that if they want to be a part of their grandkids’ lives, they will do separate celebrations, but OP’s biological mother will be attending the big celebrations because she is much more involved in Op’s life.
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The Masses Weigh In
Redditors gave their thoughts and opinions on the wedding and baby drama.
One Redditor responded, “She’s a fairytale-quality evil stepmother for the crap she pulled on her wedding. She was acting like that day was about her instead of being an actual adult. I feel so bad for OP for feeling like she had to arrange so many things and walk on eggshells to get the approval of someone who should’ve been helping her instead.”
A second Redditor bluntly said, “Nta, your stepmom is playing games. Your dad is an ah for allowing this behavior, and your stepmom is a major AH.”
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A third Redditor said, “NTA – your stepmother seems to think that “included” means the same as “in charge,” which is what she really wants to be. You’ve been more than reasonable, and if your dad wants to be supportive of you, he needs to expect his wife to be reasonable also and to think of him and his relationship with you when she starts throwing her weight around.
Since he doesn’t seem to want to do that and is trying to emotionally blackmail you into going along with his wife’s whims by refusing to do anything without her, you’re not the a***ole for keeping your boundary in place and protecting your relationship with your mother even if it means leaving your father and stepmother out of things.”
Another user said, “NTA. You owe your SM nothing, and she’s completely overstepping. You already did everything possible to have a drama-free wedding, and she’s still unsatisfied. You did an amazing job establishing and enforcing your own boundaries very politely.”
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A Redditor also said this, “NTA – stepmom sounds like a pain in the a**. She wasn’t equal to your mom on your wedding day because… she’s NOT your mom. I think your dad has made his choice as well.
Sometimes these things happen for the best. Keeping your kids away from narcissists is more of a win-win in my book. I’ve had to keep my own kids away from their narcissistic grandparents too.”
Finally, a user said, “NTA. You didn’t tell him he wouldn’t be invited. He made it clear that he was incapable of attending. This is all he and his wife are doing. Not yours. You’ve tried your best in the past, and they s**t on it. No one needs that element in their life.”
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Redditors seemed to agree that the OP is choosing the right life for her, her husband, and her soon-to-be twins by leaving the father and stepmother out of their lives. What is your opinion? Is it good that she dumped these toxic family members?
This article is inspired by the internet and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of Motherhood Life Balance.