1. Can we start the weekend again? I wasn’t ready. 2. I got up this morning and ran around the block ten times. Then I got tired and put the block back in the toy box.
3. Dear math, grow up and solve your own problems. I am tired of solving them for you. 4. Math is fun. It teaches you to sit in the corner when it is cold. It is 90 degrees. 5. You want to know who I am in love with, reread the first word.
6. Life offers you a second chance, just a second, a new second. 7. My spouse’s credit card got stolen. What a relief, the thief spent less than my spouse. 8. If you don’t like me, remember it is mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.
9. I don’t need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets. I have my friends for that. 10. If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.
11. Why should I prove it is me when I pay bills over the phone? I didn’t call you to pay someone else’s bill. On the other hand, if someone is paying my bills, please let them. 12. Mom yelled at her son, saying, “Why is everything on the floor?” Son replied, “Gravity, mom.”