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Who’s coming to the wedding? How many people? Lots of us have dealt with this type of stuff about family and weddings. What do you do when it’s your brother and his boyfriend only because you feel your wedding isn’t the place to come out?
A Redditor in this situation for his own wedding recently took his dilemma to the threads to find out if he was making an unreasonable request to his brother and his possible plus one.
The Big Day
The original poster (OP) is getting married very soon, and he is very excited about the big day! OP explained that his brother is gay but not out, and not too many people know, aside from his brother and parents.
OP says he comes from a very traditional old-school family and that many members of the family still live in the “old school” where men don’t date men. They would be very judgemental of his brother and would more than likely not want to associate with him should they find out.
OP also went on to say; many family members would accept him and that OP would cut out any family member that didn’t because of how much he loves his brother.
OP’s brother has been dating his current boyfriend for six months, and he says his boyfriend is a great guy, perfect for his brother, and that he’s so happy his brother found a great guy. However, it’s still a bit of a secret, as he hasn’t told anyone in the family he is gay.
OP says he has been telling his brother for years that he should come out because he knows how stressed out his brother is over it, and he thinks it will make him feel better not to “hide” anymore. His brother disagrees because he knows a part of the family will cause a lot of drama over it.
OP says he sees the opposite. He says that the sooner you know who the idiots are, the sooner they can cut them from their lives. OP says he has no interest in having family in his life that doesn’t accept his brother being gay.
Recently his OP’s brother said he wants to bring his boyfriend to his wedding. OP feels that his brother is going from zero to a hundred, and he feels blindsided by that.
OP said, “If it were any other occasion, he would be supportive, but OP doesn’t think his wedding day is the appropriate place and time to break this news to the rest of the family.”
OP feels that his brother bringing a date and essentially “coming out” to their family at his wedding will create too much drama, gossip, and OP doesn’t want to have anything take attention away from his fiancée because that’s her day.
OP asked his brother why he was choosing his wedding day, and he said it was because he wanted to celebrate love with the two people he loves the most, OP and his boyfriend.
OP feels that his wedding day should be a celebration, not a family fight, and he won’t do this to his future wife for fear that it might ruin their day.
OP said with a heavy heart he asked his brother to please come alone to the wedding and that he hoped he understood.
This made OP’s brother cry and leave his house without saying anything. The following day OP received a text from his brother that said, “Don’t worry, going alone.” OP tried calling his brother, but he didn’t answer.
They eventually spoke a few days later. OP’s brother said he understands his side, but OP still feels things are weird between them.
Redditors Weigh In
Redditors gave some great advice and let the OP know exactly what they think will happen at his wedding.
A Redditor had this to share, “NTA – God, I’m queer, and I gotta say, a sibs wedding would NOT be the place to trot out that bit of my life. It’s your wedding, it’s your day. Although I have to say if your wife is level-headed she won’t let a family fight ruin your relationship.”
A second Redditor said, “I think brother wants to piggyback on the wedding to use it as a distraction tool. He comes to the wedding with his bf. The family is shocked, but can’t really deal with/react to the issue because of the wedding, so the impact on him is softened. He’s relying on social politeness norms to sneak in a heavy topic.”
A Redditor then responded with this truth bomb, “Unfortunately, lots of people will not keep the peace for the sake of the wedding.”
A Redditor also pondered this scenario, “It would seem to me that the BF would consider coming out to all of the family at the wedding to be one of the worst-case scenarios. Who wants to be put into that kind of relationship stress six months into a relationship?”
Another Redditor shared this sound piece of advice, “Almost all wedding etiquette comes down to “don’t upstage the couple.” It’s too bad there isn’t more time because if he were actually able to come out beforehand, bringing his boyfriend to the wedding would have been fine. People will still talk, but it wouldn’t stop the show.”
So, do you agree with the Redditors? What advice would you give the OP in this situation?
This article is inspired by the internet and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of Motherhood Life Balance.
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