Should this Father Honor His Promise to Pay for His Daughter’s Wedding After Years of Silence and Addiction?

The daughter of this man wants a big wedding. She wants the wedding and expects her father to pay for it…after not speaking to him or her mother for a very long time.

Weddings are becoming more and more expensive. They are an important day in everyone’s life, but with the divorce rate climbing, home loan interest rates through the roof, and gas prices sky high, some are forgoing the big wedding for something simpler and cheaper.

The Wedding Promise

The original poster (OP) has two children, a son, and a daughter, his son got married 5 years ago, and OP and his wife gave him a large sum of money to cover the wedding and to have some left over for the honeymoon. When OP did this, he told her daughter he would do the same for her when it was time for her wedding.

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Addiction Set In

OP says that two years have passed since the last time he and his wife have spoken to or seen their daughter because their daughter was addicted to drugs. OP told his daughter he would pay for rehab if she went. If she refused, then OP and his wife planned on calling child protective services because their daughter had a toddler that they believed was being neglected. OP’s daughter chose rehab.

Silent Treatment

When OP’s daughter got out of rehab and was finally clean, she refused to speak to her parents, wouldn’t come for holidays, and ignored calls and texts from him and his wife. OP said that she did not attend the funeral when his father passed away in the fall. Also, when the OP’s wife (her mother) was in a car accident and spent a month in the hospital, their daughter did not show up, call, or text, which OP says hurt his wife immensely. 

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Where’s My Money?

This past week, OP’s daughter called, and instead of asking OP how he’s been or telling him how she’s been, she told OP she was engaged and would like the money they had promised her.

OP and his wife knew she was seeing someone because of social media posts, but they were unsure of how serious it was, and they had never met their daughter’s boyfriend either. OP asked his daughter if she could come by to discuss this. He said she sounded annoyed but ultimately agreed.

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OP and his wife have been talking and are thinking about telling her they can’t give her the money. They haven’t seen or heard from her in 2 years, and the first time she calls is to ask for it. Even after OP and his wife have reached out multiple times to her.

OP says his wife is very hurt by her actions, and this has made OP very upset as well. OP feels guilty because he says he is a man of his word and feels obligated because of what he told his daughter years ago.

The Masses Weigh In

One Redditor said, “NTA, I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t put it past a drug addict to ask for money for drugs and say it’s for something else! You haven’t seen her in 2 years; You don’t know if she’s clean! If you decide you want to do anything at all for her wedding, you can say something like I will pay for this item and then go to that vendor, pay that vendor and sign the contract and let the vendor know that if anything changes, the money is to be returned to you!”

A second user said, “Never trust a drug user, even a recovered one with money. If you end up paying for the wedding, I would strongly suggest you don’t give anything directly to your daughter. Instead, pay directly to the vendors. Let the vendors know that if there are any cancellations, YOU get the refunds.”

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A third user agreed with the above statement and said, “I agree completely. As an addict that’s now five years clean, this would absolutely be my advice. You’ll know if it’s all just to get money for drugs or something else super shady by how she reacts to you being willing to pay the vendors. I’d be ok with that if it were my parents’ suggestion! But then, I’d just be happy for the help since I’m engaged, and we can’t afford a wedding any time soon!”

Another user offered this opinion, “Op, please ask your daughter if you are even invited to the wedding. Are you going to walk her down the aisle? Will you have the father-daughter dance? Or if she is going to walk out of your life as soon as the wedding is over? You are not an ATM to be disposed of after use. I wouldn’t consider paying for the wedding without some family counseling.”

This Redditor said, “NTA. Given her past, this is highly suspicious. Also, she was never entitled to the money. If she’s already gone NC with you she’ll just do it again after taking your money.”

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Finally, a Redditor said, “Do not give her money. It sounds very much like a money grab by an addict to me. Demand to meet the boyfriend and demand a clean drug test, and then you can reconsider. But given the information you’ve provided, there is no way in hell I would give her money.”

Redditors gave their opinion on this wedding money situation and whether the OP and his wife should give their daughter this large sum of money. Many say no and worry it may be used to buy drugs and is just a “money grab.” What is your opinion? Is the money rightfully the daughters? 

This article is inspired by the internet and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of Motherhood Life Balance.

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