Advice on Stay-at-Home Mom Expectations from Working Dads

When you and your partner make the decision that one of you will be a stay-at-home parent, there are certain expectations that come with the choice. This is often on the part of the working parent if they have a full-time job and spend a lot of time at work. 

If you don’t talk about these expectations from both of you, it can lead to conflict and a sense of being at odds with each other. So let’s talk about stay-at-home mom expectations from working dads and also what moms should expect from a partner working full time.

The Decision to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom

You might decide to be a stay-at-home mom (or a stay-at-home dad, as the same scenarios apply) for many reasons. It might concern the quality of family life that you want to offer your children. It might be the best way to take care of the kids, especially if any special needs are involved. It can even be to do with the cost of child care when balanced with what you might earn working full or part-time.

Spending quality time with your children at all stages of childhood is something that many parents decide is the option they want to take. According to one 2019 study, only 28% of married moms in the United States considered working full-time their ideal choice. Another showed that nearly two-thirds of people believed children were better off if mothers stayed home with take.

However, it can be a challenging path. Moms can end up feeling like single moms while working dads have difficulty understanding the balancing of parenting and household chores that a stay-at-home mom needs to do.

Why You Both Need Empathy and Appreciation

There are two key things that both parents need to work on when one stays at home, and the other is working full time: empathy and appreciation.

Empathy

For moms, it is about her partner understanding that she doesn’t just clock off and be finished at the end of the day. The shift has no natural end, and her ‘job’ never ends. It is vital for her to feel that all of her hard work with the kids and the household duties is appreciated. 

Many stay-at-home moms also suffer from a loss of identity where they become ‘mom’ but lose who they are aside from this. They need their partners to remember this and do their bit to combat these feelings.

For the working dad, he wants his partner to understand that he works to provide for the family and that a lot of work pressures impact his free time. There’s often the feeling that finishing work and being ‘fully present’ for the family can be too much sometimes.

Appreciation

Both of you want to feel like you are doing a good job and that the other partner appreciates what you do. No matter how much time you work or how many daily tasks you complete, each wants the other to feel worthwhile and valued.

How Working Dads Can Support Stay-At-Home Moms

Empathy and appreciation are great ideals to work with but let’s look at a few examples to help illustrate what we mean, starting with how dads can support moms when one stays home with the kids.

Don’t Comment on How Tidy the House Is

For most stay-at-home moms, one primary job after the kids is to look after the house. That means cleaning, tidying, doing the laundry, cooking and all the other random jobs needed to keep things working correctly. But on bad days, tidying the house might be at the bottom of the list or not at all. 

Working dads can help in this situation by not commenting on how tidy the house is. Acknowledge there’s not enough time in the day and that your partner prioritizes the children over a clean house.

If There’s No Dinner in Sight, Assume You Are On Your Own

Cooking a family meal is an excellent way for everyone to get together and chat about their day, but this doesn’t work in some situations. A family member may have some activity, which means meal times are different. 

Working dads may have a varied work schedule and can’t always be home for mealtime that works for the kids. If this is the situation and you get home to find no dinner ready for you, just assume you are on your own and dive in to make yourself something.

Tell Her She is Still Beautiful

This one applies to stay-at-home moms and the working mother just the same! Remember to tell her she is beautiful and that you love her. It is easy to get lost in the chaos of life with kids and forget to take a moment to appreciate each other. But it is definitely worth it.

Give Her a Break Where You Can

A good division of labor means you, as a working dad trying to help out where you can to give your partner a break. That might be as simple as getting the kids to do yard work on a weekend while she relaxes with a book for an hour. Or it might be grocery shopping, so she doesn’t need to. Depending on your work schedule, you might even be able to help take one of the kids to a doctor’s appointment. All of these things just take a little off her plate.

Don’t Keep Reminding Her About Your Money

As the sole breadwinner, working husbands have much to be proud of for the financial support they bring their families. But to have the best balance with stay-at-home moms, it is always a good idea to not constantly remind her about ‘your’ money or what you earn. There’s a lot of work that doesn’t involve a direct paycheque each month, and both are equally valuable.

How Stay-at-Home Moms Can Support Working Dads

Let’s also remember that this is a partnership, and there are things that moms can do for working dads to help make life more balanced and happy.

Keep Dad Involved With What’s Going On

While dads might not need to know everything that goes on during their business hours, it doesn’t hurt to include him in some of the planning for things like daily activities or the care of the children. Okay, he might not remember it all, but at least he feels involved in the process! In the bustle of life, it is easy just to plan everything and dive into what’s needed without thinking about telling your partner what’s happening.

Share Some of the Workload With Him When He is Around

Moms are often focused on what needs doing and aren’t the best at asking for help or allowing their partner to take a fair share of the workload when they are available. It can be a great idea to share the workload to make things easier for yourself and keep him involved with what’s happening. There are even times when the entire family can be involved with jobs and spread the work between everyone.

Don’t Get Mad if He is Tired After Work

Work pressures are very different from home pressures but are just as real and can be utterly exhausting in different ways. Moms are often in a constant state of tiredness, especially if they have young children. But remember, your partner will also be tired after work; don’t get mad at him for it.

Balancing Expectations

Whether a mom stays at home with the kids and dad goes to work or the other way around, there’s definitely a case for balancing expectations. By working together and taking a few steps to appreciate each other, you can have a great relationship and feel like your home life is working as well as it can. What’s your biggest tip for ensuring stay-at-home parents feel valued by working parents?